The Life of Karl, the Iguana

It is only now that I have ceased shaking from the fear that rendered my limbs as useless as the roots of a petrified tree.  I awoke with a startle three mornings ago to the most aurally offensive sound that I have ever encountered.  My first reaction was to inhale and expand my body, such that the approaching demon would turn tail and run at the mere sight of me.  To my dismay, the bellowing war cries ceased not!  The beast outside emitted a low rumbling sound that was loud enough to arouse the deceased (R.I.P. Bob and Walter).  Out of the corner of my eye, beyond the invisible barrier that prevents me from escaping, I glimpsed an upright animal (very much resembling my food provider).  It was stumbling around with a large, grotesque parasite affixed securely to its back.  The predator had three appendages: two for securing itself on its host, and one long tube-like arm that seemed to breath out continuously as it bellowed.  I believe it was attempting to gather its cohorts together for some sort of ritualistic hunt. 

Soon enough, I was proven correct!  The one noisy beast was joined by a second, and then a third.  I could not see all of them for it is a large world outside the barrier.  I was able to see two at once, seemingly communicating with each other, harmonizing while spewing their hot air and upsetting small debris blanketing the ground.  That was enough for me.  I soon realized that my first reaction was inappropriate for this situation.  My next tactic worked well.  Shortly after I closed my eyes, the wicked ones departed.  I have not heard them since, but they may still be out there. 

Today, I was rudely disturbed and removed from my home.  Despite my struggles and attempts to free myself from its grasp, the fiendish entity that roams my realm carried me away to a land far away.  I was deposited in a grassy field.  Scared out of my wits, I remained motionless for what seemed like hours.  Two beasts of similar anatomy lay in wait nearby.  At times, they would approach, encircling me in a threatening manner.  It was all I could do to fend them off by inflating myself and cocking my tail.  It was a good thing that I was able to think swiftly and go into alert mode.  I could have been eaten alive.

Suddenly, as I was sneaking off toward safety, those demons approached with a large orange, tubelike covering having three small holes and one large one.   This obstructed my vision, and distracted me to the point…  TRAPPED!!!  Something grasped me around the shoulders and legs and elevated me to unreasonable heights!  I was pissed off!  So, I began scratching with my free leg.  I could feel my nails piercing soft, fleshy skin.  Unsettling…

And then it was over.  I found myself sitting on top of my home in an empty room.

It got really cold a couple of days ago, so I remained on my heated rock.  Suddenly, I woke up one morning and I had a new roommate!  He (she- not sure of the gender) didn’t even ask me if he could move in.  It just showed up!  Probably some transient coming in out of the cold.

Here are my complaints about the thing:

1. It has remained sessile since it moved in, just scanning back and forth with its seemingly eyeless face.
2. It makes noise at ALL TIMES OF THE DAY, even when the sun has fallen below the horizon.
3. It’s noises and movements are sporatic, startling me every time it clicks and starts to move.
4. It just freaks me out, just sitting there.  I feel as if it is waiting for me to let my guard down.  Then it might eat my food… or even ME!

Strangely, the temperature has increased since my roommate’s arrival.  Strangely, it has a long tail attached to the wall, just like the really noisy, scary green monster.  At least it hasn’t eaten any of my food… yet.

It is only now that I find myself in an adequate state of comfort after a troubling event which occurred yesterday.  Below, I write of these events:

Once again, the beast of yore made its way,  roaring back and forth across my domain.  This lasted only a short time, at which point I took respite behind my ever-warm rocks.  These latter items are strange to me, as they must harbor some sort of magic to remain consistently warm throughout the dark hours of the day.

Suddenly, a host of entities, 6 in total, approached and entered my domain thorough the seemingly unpassable invisible barrier.   One was a small version of another, perhaps an offspring.  One, I recognized from multiple previous encounters.  The others were unfamiliar and generated a low rumbling sound, I believe coming from their mouths.
My fears tripled in magnitude when one approached me.  I briefly considered scurrying under the rocks, but there was no time.  The best course of action was to close my eyes, and appear as rigid as the rock below me.  This tactic worked, as I knew it would, for when my eyes were reopened, my domain was once again empty, as it should be.